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May 17th, 2007
12:32 am - Done with Cornell
I just finished my last bit of coursework for Cornell. Ever.
The feeling is overwhelming.
(Part of me can't believe that I will never turn in another assignment to the dropbox in Rhodes, that I will never email another Matlab or Excel file to a Cornell professor, that I will never take a prelim again, that I will never write my exams in the little blue book again.)
On the subject of nevers, I will never pull another all-nighter in Rhodes 453 like I did last night (and guess where I am now? Still in Rhodes 453). I will never sit in one of the classrooms on the 3rd floor of Hollister, the window open, the professor raising his voice over the rumble of buses and semis driving by. I will never use Blackboard or Net-print or Bear Access/JTF/Colts again.
I need to transfer my files from the ORIE network and the ACCEL drive (though why I bother, I don't know; I don't have half the software for those files). I can't believe I'm closing shop, saying goodbye to my life at Cornell.
To be honest, I almost want to cry. I'm glad I'm going to grad school; otherwise, I probably would cry ...
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April 27th, 2007
10:57 pm - Graduating
I'm doing some literature review now, and I'm so bored I've actually resorted to LiveJournal for the first time in years. I was looking through my friends page and thought it was interesting how the mix of entries has changed. Funny how so many people aren't really using LiveJournal any more. Did they drop out totally, like me? Or do they just post a lot less frequently?
Oh, hey, I'm really interested in finding out what you're doing after graduation (really, all of you). Who knows who'll show up at the reunion, right? And y'all were part of such an important time in my life ... Of course I'm interested in where you'll be going next.
For the record, I'm going to MIT for an MST (MS in Transportation). Transpo is housed in Civil Engineering. The other two I really wanted to go to were Berkeley and UIUC. I'm pretty determined to get a PhD too, but where I don't know (do you think Berkeley'll accept me again?).
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December 27th, 2005
10:11 pm - Women Not in Engineering
(x-posted to Scion of Erebus)
The other day, I came across an article, "Competing Forces", in PRISM, the American Society for Engineering Education's magazine. The article was about why the professions of medicine, law, and business are better at attracting at women than the (one would think) equally venerable profession of engineering.
The article listed several reasons for the discrepancy in female represantation between the different professions, but I found three interesting.
After the passage of Title IX, the trickle of women into medicine and law turned into a veritable flood. Engineering and business schools, on the other hand, experienced no such influx."In part, say observers, women did not view the fields as offering the same opportunities as law and medicine to bring about social change, a priority for many young women of the baby boomer generation."
Now, I have never viewed myself as a social activist of any degree - although, as I learn more, I see that the environmental and the social are linked - but that sentence caught my attention. I would never consider myself altruistic, but it seemed that I could not help but hear the ring of familiarity. Although I have clearly chosen engineering as my vehicle for change, I have placed that change as my top career priority for the time being.
"Medicine, unlike engineering, is regarded as a field that places a high priority on the betterment of humankind, a characteristic that educators say is very important to young women." Well, the betterment of humankind is really incidental to the betterment of the world, but seeing as how humans are kind of part of the world, but the idea is the same. I had no idea I was part of a generalization. I've always felt - if not alone - than part of a rather rare and scattered population.
"Women see law and medicine as offering opportunity to make a difference in society. They don't see that opportunity in engineering. We have treated engineering as an end in itself, not as a vehicle to help make society better." I think I would have to disagree with that quote (from Domenico Grasso, dean of engineering a U of Vermont), since I have always been taught that engineering is a means to an end, wholly the tool of man, to make his life more convenient. But apparently others see it differently. I wouldn't've included this paragraph at all, except that it resonated with me the first time I read it, though upon further thought, I didn't really see why.
"It's no coincidence that women in engineering are more likely to pursue degree in biomedical and environmental engineering, which are clearly linked to the betterment of society." And the ring of familiarity becomes a gong of recognition. I'm just another "young woman," after all.
I don't know how much I actually relate to this explanation, but I've never thought about societal improvement as a reason why there aren't more women in engineering. While I am attracted to the potential for sustainable development in environmental engineering, I am also attracted to the intellectual pleasure of challenging problem-solving using an analytical and mathematical framework. I've always thought that the latter repulsed girls for whatever reasons. But I've never thought of the lack of the former in other engineering disciplines as a reason. I felt the article raised an interesting point.
The other point that the article made was one with which I could not agree more: "Women saw entry into medicine as an opportunity to make a social contribution with a high probability that they would succeed in medical school and in life ... Fort-one percent of women considering applying to an MBA program saw a glass ceiling in both business and engineering as 'very real' ... [W]omen view business and engineering ... as fields in which often hostile, male-dominated cultures are the norm."
And lastly: "'From the day you are a little girl, you know what doctors do,' but the same is not true of ... engineers." Dude, I still don't know what engineers do. That is, honest to the gods, one of my Learning Outcomes on my co-op.
So that's my two cents for the day. I'm proud of myself for actually sitting down and writing down this damn thing. It was going to end up as an email to Adrian otherwise, and that just didn't seem fair.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/growf/pengies/cool.gif) accomplished
Current Music: Saliva - Famous Monsters
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December 2nd, 2005
09:32 pm - Melancholy, n.: Unaccountable sadness.
Perhaps "nonpoint source" would've worked better than "unaccountable."
I don't know when I updated last. I don't know what most people know about me anymore, particularly those who used to read my LJ - I don't think I've stayed in touch with very many people. Anyhow, my point is that I'm choosing an easy episode to announce, rather than going through an exhaustive review of everything since the last thing I said.
This past summer I was in summer school. I took 23 credits in two sessions, and damn near killed myself as a result. I've started getting good grades again, even while I feel the material is becoming more difficult - or perhaps, before, I had given up on the material, but now it is within my grasp, so I try harder to grab every last bit. I've stopped making new friends. I barely maintain my old friendships. My relationship with Adrian is still going strong, notwithstanding a few storms here and there.
I took summer school so I could still graduate in four years, even though I was taking fall semester off to work at a co-op.
I'm working in Chantilly, for an environmental consulting firm. We work with real estate developers. We help them get permits from federal, state, and local agencies. We build wetlands and restore streams. I dug shovel test pits with archaeologists, held elevation rods with surveyors, planted baby trees from our own nursery with construction/wetland management techs, labelled biodegradable pink-glo flagging tape with wetland delineators, wrote my own permit request for regulatory specialists, georeferenced for the GIS folks. Now I'm doing odds and ends with the engineers. I learned that I'm still socially awkward in most situations, I'm still an introvert who likes to be away from other people, and I rapidly lose motivation when given meaningless tasks.
The long distance thing is tough. But I'm riding it out better than the first time I had to do it with Adrian. And I got to visit him over Thanksgiving. The trip only emphasized for me how much more enjoyable and relaxing our relationship is when we don't have to worry about school or work. I don't have many friends in the area - most people are away at school. I need my friends more than I had assumed. For them, I want to go back to school. Because of my program, I don't want to go back to school.
That's it. That's where I am. There are a lot of things I'm hoping for, a lot of things I'm trying to plan. But they have no place here. Here is where I am now. There is where I had been. Tomorrow, or the day after that, I will let you know who I will be then.
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March 1st, 2005
08:59 am - All the Little Things
I'm sick, my period's here, there's a snowstorm warning until 6 pm tonight, and I have a prelim during lunchtime.
Current Music: Mya - Case of the Ex
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February 17th, 2005
05:14 pm - Interview
Had two last week, which went pretty well.
Had one today. Went horribly. I am now depressed from what a singularly terribly interview it was. It was virtually a lesson in what /not/ to say in an interview, if not how to act/behave/etc. in one.
I am no longer a worthwhile human being. I'm ugly, stupid, and incompetent.
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Savage Garden - Hold Me
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February 13th, 2005
10:26 am - Warm Wake-up
JM is my fellow housemate.
JM: [gestures energetically for me to go into her room]
Me: [eyes and goes over to her room]
JM: [waves her hand at the window] Look, look Stubby! (her pet name for me)
Me: [peers out the window, looking for a cute squirrel or perhaps a naked boy and not finding anything]
...long pause...
Me: Wow. That's a real fire.
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February 4th, 2005
11:56 pm - Hi Everybody
Courtesy of ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) supurnuva and cosmicn, I'm making a brief, guilt-motivated, return.
Nick brought back memories of high school with his mentions of all those names and characters ... I laughed and part of me wished, also, to go back. Because right now, I'm not feeling sure in my own skin. I'm tired, and I've been talking to two TJ friends for the last couple of hours. We live, we grow, we change, and sometimes we look back and regret. Sometimes we just feel nostalgic.
Right now I'm feeling full and nostalgic. Ate way too much today, and didn't move around enough. I'm going to have to do something about it all tomorrow. *wince* I hate this fat-full feeling. That skinny-lean feeling is so, so much better.
I'm tired of recapitulating my Winter Break. And, I think, also the beginning of the spring semester, though it has been going on only for two weeks. So what's there's left to say? Self-absorption ...
This LJ hasn't grown with me. The LJ community of which I am a part did not update itself to include this whole new life of mine, at Cornell. Neither did my AIM buddy list, not really. I've stopped trying to make new friends. I just let them kind of happen ... I don't put any effort into new friendships. And ... truth be told, I don't put that much effort into maintaining my friendships either, though they need regular maintenance. It's too easy to let my top priorities (school, career, boyfriend) consume my days. I've realized that I'm bad at the balancing act because I'm too anal. My personality doesn't want to compromise. I find this trait of mine to be so ironic. Back when I was a wee idealist, I thought compromise and balance were going to bring the world peace. They were my principles (and honesty and loyalty my values).
I said to my dad, over break, "Daddy, I can't even change my parents. How am I going to change the world?" But now I think, "Dearie me, I can't even change myself. How am I ever going to change anybody else?" I'm not sure what I'll do with this feeling of powerlessness. After all, it was a feeling of potential power which drove the change in my worldview and my consequent actions. I probably won't renege on my transfer, but - well, it's an ongoing problem.
Ah, well ... Tomorrow I go to see an Ithakids Film Festival film - Bakers, Bakeries, and Baking. There shall be free treats, courtesy of Ithaca Bakery. I'm very much looking forward to it.
PS
I just realized: I probably rely on my boyfriend for too much of my social interaction. If I spread myself out a little more, I think I'd have a better handle on the balance thing.
CHanging the world. I feel like an evangelist. gross!
Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: Dimmu Borgir - Mourning Palace
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December 15th, 2004
04:58 pm
J.R.R. Tolkien: Lord of the Rings. You are
entertaining and imaginative, creating whole
new worlds around yourself. Well loved, you
have a whole league of imitators, none of which
is quite as profound as you are. Stories and
songs give a spark of joy in the middle of your
eternal battle with the forces of evil.
Which literature classic are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Augh.
Current Mood: headachey and unmotivated
Current Music: obnoxiously loud conversation on the other side of the room
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December 9th, 2004
06:33 am - Inbox
From 500+ to 23!
Okay, so I cheated by not dealing with any time-consuming emails, but still.
Current Mood: anxious about math final
Current Music: 周杰论 - 你听得到
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December 8th, 2004
11:58 pm - Math Final
Completely underprepared. Completely screwed self over today. Shit^3.
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December 6th, 2004
12:05 pm - Stats Project, Saga of
So I have this Stats project, right? And I decided to analyze airline on-time performance data (every single flight by carriers which account for at least 1% of domestic US sales), okay? And it comes in .csv files, you dig?
Realization #1: There is so much data that the filter:all option for year and month is not available when dling the data.
Realization #2: MInitab's data window is not a spreadsheet. Filtering is not in the Minitab help files.
Realization #3: Excel truncates after 65,536 rows.
Realization #4: Minitab doesn't like .csv files at all.
Realization #5: The SAS license on Accel computers expired August 2004.
Realization #6: This project is going to take a lot longer than Clara thought it would, due to the massive delays involved in simply loading the data file. It's been 20 minutes and it's still not done. Access seems to handle the load fine (well, what do you expect) but I don't know how to use Access. I think I'm going to give it a try though. Importing and exporting can't be that hard, right? And waiting a half hour to open my file is a bit ridiculous, don't you think?
-_- Maybe I should've tried to open stuff and, you know, /look/ at the data before I wrote my proposal and decided on a project. But it's too late now - I rather like my project, except for the whole not being able to open anything issue.
[edit: immediately after closing LJ update entry window to find ...]
... that opening it in MS Word results in a total of **** pages. I think that means we went over 9999 pages. *doh* I guess that's pretty convincing evidence that Access is a better choice than MS Word ...
[edit: what feels like aeons afterwards]
So it took me ages to import, ages to edit, and now ... now I am exporting ... unsuccessfully. I think I'm going to have to admit defeat soon.
[edit: after some food, some affection, and some more poking]
Realization #7: Minitab has no problem with .csv files, and will happily load half a million rows of data for you if you're only patient enough to wait 15-20 minutes for it.
Realization #8: Wikipedia is so kickass, I'm going to build an altar to it when I get back to my room.
Suspicion #1: I might finish the project tonight!!
[edit: as we wear on into the night...]
A: Did you at least leave a query running while we ate?
C: What? No. I was in the middle of editing queries.
A: What about importing stuff into Minitab?
C: No, that comes after the queries. I'm still massaging the data.
A: Stop massaging the data! Massage me instead and go ice skating!
[edit: day 2 in the trench]
Walked in here about 10 in the morning and haven't left it yet. Have not had anything to eat, either, except for sushi platter (much too expensive!) late last night and actual real meal 2 pm yesterday. Am feeling lightheaded and hungry, but other than that, not really any other sideffects from the unexpected fast. Ended up learning a little regex syntax as a result of using VIM to do some search and replace. Adrian was very smart and found some screwed up data that I would never have thought to even look for. Oop, dangling preposition.
Cannot believe insane amount of time (and absence of meals) spent on this project. Stupid. Am writing up way-too-long report now (not to exceed five pages, definitely already on 8th, and "results/discussion" not even done yet. Also is single-spaced when should be double. Hmm. Definite problem; will solve later).
Should've done dumb project on supercomputer. Way too much time spent waiting for files to import, queries to execute, files to export, and re-doing everything because ran out of memory. Am totally sucking up illegal amounts of memory from computer lab. But have blessing of Adrian (lab consultant) so am all right. Adrian now gone to get dinner. Adrian indispensable part of project. Project would have been trashed if not for Adrian.
Have read a third of Bridget Jones (V 2). Had lackadaisical conversation with KF. Read NY Times article on string theory. Peh. Checked email three times. Have not called mother and should. Can feel final project energy around her in form of other ORIEs working on their final projects (except these projects are for 400 and 500 level courses, not 200 level like mine). Not looking forward living in the lab for days on end like this again in the future. Why so easy to go so long without food? Got decent amount of sleep, as kicked out of lab at 12. Probably not drinking enough water as water bottle empty since early yesterday, but am not thirsty. Do not even feel that dirty despite lack of change of clothes. So strange. Even living in Adrian's room night after unexpected night does not feel this easy by far. Suspicion is that I am in shock from lab overdose. (You see, eyes do not even feel strained.)
Since not waiting for anything to port or execute, should not be spending frivolous time updating LJ.
[edit: after beginning to read the textbook]
Damn I wish I had read the textbook before writing up the report. Would've been able to do it "right", as Adrian would say. Fuck fuck fuck. Violated my own principles.
Current Mood: zoned out
Current Music: computer lab can be at turns very silent and very chatty
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December 1st, 2004
02:55 pm - A Story of ħ
I think I enjoy learning a little too much, or something.
I found myself breaking out into an unconscious, happy little smile as I finished one section of my physics lecture notes and moved onto the next. I mean, the pure, simple, child-like pleasure I found in the de Broglie hypothesis was really very unexpected. I think the phenomenon had to do with a number of factors. First of all, it's physics, and I can probably count on one hand the number of weeks I haven't enjoyed it this semester. Not coincidentally, those weeks have all pretty much been the recent ones, from when we started quantum. The lack of enjoyment has two main reasons: one, I started missing an unusual number of lectures (heretofore, I hadn't missed one lecture since I added the class) which really did awful things to my understanding of the material. Two, the lecture notes were no longer the laudable and (now I realize) necessary aid to the course as they once were. Well, this Thanksgiving Break, my wonderfully concerned and diligent professor worked on a set of new lecture notes for the quantum section of our course, so that we no longer had to rely on the almost decade old notes that he had made for when he taught at MIT.
Since I'm working (or, I was, at least) on this week's pset, I started reading the new lecture notes today, and, oh, how nice they are! Now quantum makes sense to me, in a way it didn't before, when I felt like I was adrift in the ocean with no landmark to guide me. Now I find I'm back in my element, with the path laid clear before me. I have a map and I know where I am. So I smile the same involuntary smile that breaks across my face when the sun breaks through the clouds.
Not only that, one my classmates had brought in Mr Tompkins in Wonderland; or, A Story of c, G, and h by George Gamow into section today, and I read a little of it. It's such a wonderful little story - it's essentially a children's book of quantum mechanics. It was first published in 1939 and reads in the most delightfully quaint tone. I think it shall make a wonderful present for that dear, precocious no-longer-a-toddler whom I adore so much. A couple new editions of it have been published, so I think I'll read them all before deciding exactly which to get him. In any case, reading even an excerpt of a children's book of quantum mechanics can lighten anyone's mood, I think.
Well, happy December everybody!
Current Mood: wunderbar!
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November 23rd, 2004
08:33 pm - Thanksgiving Break
I'm going home tomorrow! I'm going home tomorrow! I'm going home tomorrow! I'm going home tomorrow!
No more stress!
Current Mood: anticipatory
Current Music: 周杰伦 - 你听得到
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November 16th, 2004
07:00 pm - Math Lecture, 11/10/04
C: I can't believe it. I thought I was safe from the complex exponentials! Didn't I tell you I'd vomit if I saw another exp[-iωt]?
A: "Realist wimp." - overheard in Mallot Hall [math building], possibly re: Clara.
--
[note configuration: T is sitting between C and A]
C: *amused* I've never really seen this in RL, but you were definitely yearning towards me. ^_^
A: F = k (q1q2)/(m1m2)
T: R U 2 HAVING EYE SEX WITH ME IN THE MIDDLE?
C: I wish. Definitely remote-dork sex with electric field lines.
T: THAT'S HOT
C: Electric, you mean.
A: F = k (q1q2)/(m1m2)
F = k (q1q2)/r2
I can't believe I messed that up.
C: Good thing I wasn't look at the denominator. *chaste expression* I'm only okay with above the belt fun. ;)
A: That's— you're more incorrigible than I am.
Heat eqn: h(x,t) = ... how did this go?
Current Mood: not bad, not bad
Current Music: Paradise Lost - Xavier
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November 15th, 2004
10:30 pm - General Announcement
Feeling like shit. (As usual, there be a whole a combination of factors. State is temporary. Underlying issue is not. Neither is it urgent.)
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November 11th, 2004
09:12 pm - Prelim Round 2
Cornell: 1
Clara: 4
I kicked ass on all but two tests (and since when is a 95 in a hard science class not kicking ass? ... when the mean is an 87 and you hate yourself for the mistakes you made). So. Go me. More or less. I mean, kicking ass on ALL tests is always ideal, right?
Things are coming together again, I think (funny how prelims make life better, eh?), but that just might be a false conclusion based on an unusually light workload this week. Next week will be back to normal (an oral test, a quiz, four problem sets ... ).
Rememberance Day today, but I missed the anthem when they played it on the bells. That was sad. But then Adrian, sweet boy that he is, played a MIDI of it while I was frantically copying over my phys pset. Still working on the time management thing - Adrian sucks up so much time, that there is not the concept of free time without Adrian in my head. This weekend I think I should experience that, and I need to figure out how to maximize the utility of it, how to regularly schedule it into my life, and how to optimize the combination of activities or tasks I carry out during it, so that busy time elsewhere is more efficient.
Am I boring now, now that I have no more angst? Is my life boring now, now that all I do is sleep, eat, library, or Adrian? Was I or my life ever not boring? Why do I ask these questions; why does boring-ness matter?
Things which are interesting: Law, German (grammar, culture, etc.), linear algebra as applied to stats, diff eq as applied to everything in the world, higher level physics in a nutshell (upping your Taylor approximation to the next order until you get something interesting), potential energy of waves, concreteness vs. the big picture (i.e., my intellectual development as a student of Cornell), the clicking phenomenon (or, as I like to say, "Schnick!"), performance anxiety and inferiority complex (i.e., my confidence developemnt post-TJ), and ... what else? I don't know. There are too many interesting things around me.
Next semester I want to take six classes (I'm pre-enrolled for five, and I need permission for a sixth):
- Computers and Programming (don't even get me started on how pissed I am to have to take that)
- Industrial Systems Analysis (your conventional industrial engineering: straight up supply chainn management an the like)
- Environmental Quality Engineering (unbelievably psyched about taking this course, because we get to build a mini wastewater treatment plant! woohoo!)
- Population Dynamics (secret indulgence)
- Environmental Economics (kinda like what I took last semester, except harder, because it's a 400-level class ... *freakout*)
- Introductory German II (I've sunk a semester into this foreign language, so I am so not letting go of it)
Part of me dreams of creating a new major at Cornell: Sustainable Development (the thought keeps going around in circles in my head, sashaying provocatively in dark back rooms). That would be an accomplishment. An achievement. I only ever achieve academic excellence. That is nothing. Everybody does that. The other day, I realized that. I never actually accomplish anything other than small, irrelevant, personal goals. I have never made a significant contribution to anything other than myself. Yet more evidence that I am a loser.
Current Mood: deadbeat
Current Music: ventilation
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November 4th, 2004
07:02 am - First Snow
Noooooooooooooooo! I'm not ready!!
Current Mood: opposing
Current Music: some Korean chick
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November 2nd, 2004
08:00 pm - Good News
I am in a wonderful mood right now. I'm actually using my own computer (which happens, on average, for 15 minutes every day or so), I'm listening to my own music (which happens less than the previously mentioned average), I just ate (this happens as regularly as it should), I'm doing cool things with Outlook (which should be increasing in frequency) and I got 1.5 stdevs above the mean on my Stats prelim (which is a pretty singular occurrence).
I'm not transferring to Hotel, I'm not withdrawing from Cornell, and I'm not going to get a library science degree from VCC.
Can you see me dance? I'm dancing.
Btw, washingtonpost.com so clearly wins over every other website for the exact extent and location of coverage I want of the election. Whoo, go NoVA pride!
Current Mood: GREAT
Current Music: Linkin Park - Nobody's Listening
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October 26th, 2004
08:21 pm - Music in my ears and cigarette smoke in my nose
One imagined, the other, not.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/growf/pengies/annoyed.gif) frustrated
Current Music: Memory, from Cats
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October 23rd, 2004
05:15 pm
4/5 my courses for next semester conflict with each other.
Hmm, I say, hmm.
Current Mood: not yet panicked
Current Music: Seal - Kiss from a Rose
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October 22nd, 2004
03:01 pm
Life has been pretty crazy since Adrian (that's his name; I'll write more about him D-land), but this weekend I'm going to get back on it. I'm going to pull my shit together. One, I want to. Two, I need to. Three, I think Outlook is going to help me. =D
Current Mood: coalescing
Current Music: Linkin Park - Faint
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October 20th, 2004
08:41 pm
I think I'm too cocky by half ... what am I doing ... ?
Current Mood: inferior and tired
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October 16th, 2004
04:30 pm - Guy A
So he moved fast, then I moved fast, so where we are now ... we're not really sure. He's still sorting himself out. I might get dumped in the next few weeks/months, but for now, I'm not too upset with the way things are the way things are going. Although, it would be nice if I weren't heavier than he.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/growf/pengies/blank.gif) complacent
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October 13th, 2004
09:46 pm - depressing
I hate being depressed. It's such a miserable feeling.
[No, nothing's really wrong, it's just the sudden drop in energy level after a crisis has passed. I think. That and probably a lot of other things sort of piling up ... but again, nothing's really wrong. I just felt the urge to scream.]
Current Mood: can you guess?
Current Music: scripture - no word needed
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October 12th, 2004
06:52 pm - Physics PSet
CHRAGHRAGRAG
*the sound of the EM monster come to eat Clara up*
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/growf/pengies/wideeyed.gif) scared
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October 3rd, 2004
02:58 pm - Fall Break Schedule
It's a beautifully sunny day today. The wind is soft and light; the air is sharp but sweet. As I walked up the Slope to campus, I kept having to ignore the urge to simply lie down in the grass with my eyes closed and my hands above my head.
Now I'm in the library, about to commence studying for my last prelim in Prelim Round 1.
But I'd like to dream a little more; the day so uplifting only reluctantly lets my mind go.
Fall Break is next weekend, and I'm probably going to stay in Cornell for it. The other day I realized that my friends are always asking me where I'm going to be or what I'm going to do during Break, but I've yet to ask anyone else the same question. One would think that I'd be interested in their whereabouts, since there's no better time than a Break to socialize.
I think I haven't asked anybody because I don't really plan on socializing during Break. I haven't planned anything, as a matter of fact, since Break has been only a nebulous light at the end of a long, dark tunnel, barely worth contemplation, much less fantasy. But now I'm approaching the end of that tunnel in more ways than one, and the details of Break beg to be resolved.
Thus I muse:
Friday, October 8: Go to the mall as soon as classes are over. Try to convince someobody to come with me; if I succeed in the persuasion, go shopping for jeans, sandals, and wool socks. If I don't succeed, go through the sales racks for jeans and the sales rack of New York Co. anyway.
Saturday, October 9: In the morning, go to the public library and stock up. In the afternoon, go to Mann and watch a DVD or two. Read a few more chapters of one of the feminist books, or both of them, heck.
Sunday, October 10: D2.
Monday, October 11: In the morning, go to Mann to do homework. In afternoon, go back to Mann to do more homework. In the evening, deal with email.
Tuesday, October 12: In the morning, go to Mann to do homework. In the afternoon, watch a DVD and read. In the evening, do more homework in Mann.
Any evenings not specifically assigned an activity are assumed to involve Cornell Cinema. All meals are assumed to be eaten in the apartment. Unscheduled activies which will also occur, regardless: spring '05 scheduling, 5 semester plan scheduling. Further refinement expected.
Sidenote: I've gotten a lot better at scheduling since I've started to schedule things in the morning, afternoon, evening format. The point is that when I give myself uncertainties of .5 hr, things tend to work out a lot better. Also, my time is managed more effectively when my stomach is included as a regulator.
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September 28th, 2004
09:11 pm - De-dramatizing Clara's Life
No more of these drama queen entries. None of this really matters. What happens, happens. I'm chill wit dat.
Current Mood: relaxed
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September 27th, 2004
September 26th, 2004
06:27 pm
( panicked girltalk )
Current Mood: panic, maybe?
Current Music: TATU - All The Things She Said
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September 24th, 2004
September 23rd, 2004
07:35 pm
( racist girltalk )
Current Mood: almost but not quite stressed
Current Music: Avril Lavigne - Naked
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02:26 pm - Stats Prelim
For an easy test, you think to yourself, "Goddamn, if only I had studied, I would've gotten a perfect!" For a hard test, you think to yourself, "Oh well, no matter how much I study, I would've done poorly anyway."
Goddamn, if only I had studied, I would've gotten a perfect!
Current Mood: looking forward
Current Music: lawn mower, screaming child
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September 21st, 2004
07:53 pm
I can derive the wave equation on demand.
(It's not very hard, which is why I can do it, but nevertheless, I think I had a moment when I realized I knew it and understood it well enough to just sit there and derive it with no warning and no notes.)
Current Mood: impressed with self
Current Music: Billy Joel - Lullabye
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September 20th, 2004
03:13 pm - Stats PSet #2
Score: 52/70
*crawls into a corner and dies* I am going to fail the prelim on Thursday. I am going to fail the prelim on Thursday, be forced to drop the course on Monday, have denied my application for internal transfer at the beginning of December, withdraw from Cornell in the middle of December, return to Vancouver late December, enroll in VCC at the beginning of January, obtain a library science degree in two years, and work as a librarian in VPL's Riley Park Branch for the rest of my life, next to all the Mt. Pleasant weirdoes.
My life as I know it will be over.
And now: to have my ass whipped by Econ.
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September 19th, 2004
09:32 am
Current Ithaca Area Weather
Last updated Sunday, September 19,2004, at 9:00AM
48°F / 8°C
Scattered clouds
Relative humidity: 76%
Wind: 8 MPH from the north
Atmospheric Pressure: 30.38 in. (771 mmHg)
I am freezing my butt off.
Current Mood: COLD!
Current Music: Unwritten Law - Seein' Red
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September 13th, 2004
10:43 pm - Prelims
Oh my gods, I have a prelim next Thursday. I can't believe this. Have we even learned enough to have a prelim? My answer is a resounding NO!
*deflates and slides off chair into a dark corner*
Current Mood: panicked
Current Music: Christina Aguilera - Genie in a Bottle
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03:49 pm - On the Other Hand...
... I can also be very, very stupid. A tendency unmitigated by good days, no matter how good they are.
On the physics problem set, 2/3 of the points I lost was because I forgot to draw a graph.
On the stats problem set, I lost a point because I forgot to interpret a stem and leaf plot.
On the econ problem set, out of the two problems marked, one was incorrect due to algebraic and arithmetic mistakes, and the other was incorrect because I gave the demand curve a positive slope.
I think the last mistake takes all.
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03:24 pm - A Good Day
Today I had the most enjoyable math lecture I've ever attended.
Today I didn't sleep a second in Stats for the first time ever.
Current Mood: crazy happy
Current Music: A/C
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September 12th, 2004
02:37 pm
Why is it so hard to find good pictures of my favourite actors?
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September 11th, 2004
10:12 pm - Troy
Just watched it spontaneously today. Not a bad movie. I think the key to being pleasantly surprised is to not hope at all and expect the worst. Talking to Austin probably also helps because he makes you less jaded and cynical and more appreciative.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/growf/pengies/happy.gif) pleased
Current Music: Saliva - Click Click Boom
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September 10th, 2004
03:02 pm
DONE!!
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: insects
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September 9th, 2004
06:31 pm
Excerpted entries from today's website history (in reverse chronological order):
- Air Canada - Aeroplan
- Welcome to Pennytalk
- XE.com - Universal Currency Converter
- Air Canada - Book Flights
- Cornell University - Events Calendar
- Air Canada - Welcome!
Clearly, I am more than ready for the weekend. I have yet to start on my last problem set, though. Have got to force self away from dreams of Vancouver.
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Rasputina - Transylvanian Concubine
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05:43 pm - Textbooks
Remind me to devote an entire entry to my textbooks. They are priceless this year.
Imagine yourself cruising in the Mediterranean as a crew member on a French coast guard boat, looking for evildoers...
~Bretscher's Linear Algebra, 3E
Current Mood: happified
Current Music: Dido - Thank You
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08:31 am - Problem Sets
Three down, one to go.
Current Mood: anticipation
Current Music: wind in the trees
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September 8th, 2004
06:23 pm
Quite depressed by my stupidity. =( I miss those days when I used to get perfect scores on everything, understood everything, and coud do everything quickly. And the courses I'm taking are not even that hard. Which leaves me with but one conclusion: That I'm stupid.
On the up side, Ich spreche jetzt bisschen Deutsche.
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September 5th, 2004
07:09 pm - Dogville
Dogville is the least enjoyable but possibly the best movie I've ever seen. It was an unambiguously Good Movie, and furthermore, I think - something that I did not think was possible to think about a movie - that it was almost ... perfect.
Current Mood: shock
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September 2nd, 2004
05:56 pm
*miserable groan* Headache...
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September 1st, 2004
11:30 am
Death to full lectures, sections, and labs.
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10:14 am
It's been decided (although I am premature by a day, since I still have to meet with the department undergraduate coordinator tomorrow morning - but the Engineering senior academic advisor said "See you in January!" and already told me basically what the former would say).
Current Mood: relief
Current Music: Nightwish - Astral Romance
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